Ahhhh March. When the Houston Rodeo rolls into town and literally takes over Houston. For a lot of people who haven’t had this outrageous experience, it’s overwhelming: THE PARKING, the many, many activities to do, the masses of people, and gosh the smells of the hundreds of different foods in Reliant NRG Stadium.

But, have no fear, It’s Not Hou It’s Me is here. So grab your boots, score your rodeo tickets, and style up your big ole Texas hair, and high tail it to the Houston Rodeo and tick off the following list:

1. Play the “y’all” drinking game (pretty self explanatory, right?). Y’all gon’ be druuuunk. 

2. Flick a cowboy’s hat off. Pick a not huge one with a non-expensive 10-gallon hat. And have your cute smile and southern “Oh, hun I’m so sorry!” ready. If he seems not angry, steal it for a sec to pose for a pic.

3. Go to a fried food place, close your eyes and pick a dessert at random. Buy, eat and repeat.

4. Find an upset kid. It is NOT hard.

5. OH SPEAKING OF FOODS. You gotta have something texmex, something BBQ, something phallic (Turkey leg? Sausage? Whatever it is, pose with it) and something deep-fried (well, a non dessert).

6. Play country boy bingo. Look for cowboys named things like Cody, Dusty, Hunter, Tanner, Clay, Forest, etc.

7. MUTTON BUSTING. For the love of god, if you can’t make the bull riding—painful and dangerous, the calf scramble—high probability of ripped pants and calf hugging, or chuck wagon racing—competitive as hell, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD don’t miss the mutton busting. Protip: there’s extra mutton busting outside the stadium before the rodeo. YOU’RE WELCOME.

8. Sing ALL THE WORDS to the songs…. but sing them wrong. The concerts are amazing and fun, so don’t let the fact you know ZERO country songs stop you from belting it out.

9. Document this event heavily. PIX OR IT DIDN’T HAPPEN. Hit up the landmarks—the bull statue, the big boot, etc.

10. Take a second to realize how amazing and beautiful the Houston Rodeo is. How many millions of people attend it, how many hundreds of volunteers help put it together, how many generations of Texans have attended or competed, and how many memories you’ve had (or will have!) at the Rodeo. I just went on Armed Forces Night, and gosh did that remind me of just how spectacular it all is. There’s nothing like it.