We’ve all been there: You’re in a bind. Your hair looks more like a mop than a human’s head. You have one hour and only one place is still taking appointments for the evening. Leap of faith, right? Go spontaneity!

Big mistake. Huge.

Well, this was me on Friday. Visible Changes was all booked, so I looked up info about Ulta (in River Oaks—do not go to there). They had a spot *~Just For ME~* for only like $36. I was there in 15 minutes.

1. The awkward “where do I put my purse? Beside this pile of hair or that one? Yeah, this bag wasn’t expensive.”

2. The uncomfortable “Oh yeah, sure the water’s fine. It’s not, like, ice or anything.”

3. THEN the “Oh yeah, it’s not, like, soaking the back of my shirt or anything.”

4. Also (and this is true for a good haircut or a bad one) the “I AM beautiful even when I look bald bc my hair is wet.”

5. Then the cut comes. “AHHH yep, no 4 inches off during my light trim is OK. Seriously it’s fine.”

6. When you jump a little when the hair stylist continually combs your ear and says sorry (dishearteningly), “Nah, I didn’t even feel it.”

7. When your hair is clipped up and annoyingly in your eyes and you try to move it, “No, it’s fine I’ll just keep doing this adjustment each time you do this.”

8. Then, the blow dry: “EEEEKKK um, yeah that scalding blow dryer is TOTALLY ok being one centimeter away from my scalp.”

9. “It’s also OK with me that you’re single handedly trying to pull all of my hair out with your round brush and your superhuman strength.”

10. And finally, the inevitable “Ah, yeah it looks great! Thanks so much!”

I’m Sia without bangs, y’all. Pray for me while this grows out.

*FYI: It looks a lot better styled—but still!*