So for, like, the first time ever, it truly was the most dramatic Bachelorette ever. Kaitlyn loves Clint, Clint loves JJ, and JJ loves attention. #BrosBeforeHoes #BrokebackBachelor

We picked up at the end of last week’s rose ceremony (mid Kupah meltdown) and Houston went home (wahhh) while Healer slides into home (#producerpick). He does peace out this episode, but on his own terms (namaste, homie). Then some guys fought each other (again—this time with private parts exposed) and Kaitlyn made the other guys stand in front of an audience while they crashed and burned (again—this time with private parts exposed). The entire episode had splices of the bromance throughout. I super enjoyed it. How absolutely ridiculous is this show, y’all? Pass me the wine bottle can of sparkling water.

About as ridiculous as online dating. Seriously, how similar is The Bachelorette to Bumble?

1. A girl has her pick of guys
2. The guys have fake jobs
3. The girl (The Bachelorette) has to put the gears in motion
4. All most of the relationships don’t work out.

So, basically, The Bachelorette = Bumble. Here’s their profiles.

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Kaitlyn, 30
Some sort of creative job

Location
California

Info
Knock knock. Who’s there? True love. True love who? IDK I’M STILL FIGURING IT OUT, EH.

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Shawn, 28
Personal trainer, your mom would hate me.

Location
Windsor Locks, CT

Info
I’m Ryan Gosling. JK. But…. Hey girl.

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Clint, 27
Architectural Engineer

Location
Chi Town

Info
If you wanna talk to me, you have to instigate it. This is the perfect app. JJ is my BFF and lover.

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Tony, ageless

Healer

Location
St. Louis, MO

Info
I see the world through the eyes of a child. Don’t make me fight anyone for you. I mean, I will, but then I’ll complain about it.

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Jared, 26

Restaurant manager (free effing food)

Location
Warwick, RI

Info
I own, like, a LOT of cardigans so you know was sup. I’ll also take a punch for you for you for you. (Sorry, concussion bc I’m tough, remember)

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Chris Harrison, no clue his age
Professional matchmaker and rose supplier

Location
Bachelor mansion (I’m not allowed to leave)

Info
I’m single but no one gives me roses 🙁

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Nick, idk
Villain (no real job)

Location
I follow where Kaitlyn goes

Info
I’m cute, but I’ll annoy ALL your guy friends, tbh.

All photos are screenshots from ABC previews.

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Twitter Hall of Fame

It's hard to have a serious convo with a man in a thong diaper #TheBachelorette

— Kaitlyn Bristowe (@kaitlynbristowe) June 2, 2015

For the first time in #TheBachelorette history, Clint is here to make friends!

— Possessionista (@Possessionista) June 2, 2015

Moral is this episode, only date guys named Ben. #TheBachelorette

— Kelly Travis (@kellytravisty) June 2, 2015

We look at many things for date inspiration. Pretty Woman, The Notebook, the Saw franchise. #TheBachelorette

— Robert Mills (@Millsy11374) June 2, 2015

Plot twist: Tony is underneath the sheet. #TheBachelorette

— العاصوف (@AL_AASUF) June 2, 2015

#BabeSoda I'll take 3. Can you make them diet babe sodas please? I'm cutting back on sugar #TheBachelorette

— Ali Fedotowsky-Manno (@AliFedotowsky) June 2, 2015