Starbucks rolled out its Blonde roast coffee who knows how long ago… a couple years? But the latest to its menu are these two Blonde babes: The Iced Blonde Sparkling Americano and The Iced Blonde Doubleshot.

Pause. What is blonde coffee?

Great question. Coffee beans, like most natural things, start out green… until you roast them (hence: dark or light roasted coffee). Light roasts, or blonde roast, means the beans weren’t cooked for too long. Most coffee connoisseurs say dark roasted coffee ruins the natural flavors (and caffeine) of the bean. French roasts, the darkest roasts, basically burn the bean’s natural oil. The French ruin everything, amirite? Lighter roasts are smooth, usually less heavy. I like them because I’m all “ew milk” most of the time and light roasts go down like sweet tea. Plus, I support my blonde brethren.

OK. Got it. Back to new blonde babes. 

The Double Shot.

So, this one’s a little bit of a mystery. I know there are two shots, but there’s also some 2% and some sweetener. It’s really good. It’s honestly better than the coffee light frappucino with an extra shot of espresso I had planned to order. Definitely would replace that drink with this one when I’m in a “treat yo’self mood.”

Sweetness: 4/5

Deliciousness: 4/5

Caffeine: 3/5

Creativity: 2/5

The Espresso Fizzle.

Coffee and sparkling water are literally my two favorite things. If this had a shot of Bailey’s, it’d cover all my imbibing bases. (Note to self: do that.) Starbucks says it mixes espresso and water then fizzes it up for your drinking pleasure. It’s a little weird at first, bc carbonated coffee, but I’m so obsessed with it.

Sweetness: 2/5

Deliciousness: 5/5

Caffeine: 4/5

Creativity: 5/5… What is carbonated coffee?!?