I had a decision to make. Do I watch The Bachelor? Or do I watch The Grammys, in which queens Tay, Adele, etc. all perform. I knew I had a commitment to The Bachelor. My girl Amanda is holding it down for my fantasy team, and it looked like this episode was going to be “the most dramatic episode yet” or whatever. So, of course, I made my decision… and I regretted it.
The Grammy’s are just so awesome, right?! And this episode was boring without Olivia. I mean, sure, the producers were spending a little too much time on her, but I definitely missed it. Plus, there wasn’t any more shit-talking, so we didn’t get to drink as much.
Lauren got the first one-on-one date in Ben’s hometown of Warsaw, Indiana (pause: why were they there?! ABC seriously blew their budget on the Janner wedding…. which was totally worth it). Ben took her to a day camp (?) where they played basketball (?!) and then some pro players came in (?!?). All very random. What parents allowed THAT many kids to be on TV. Also, now if he doesn’t pick Lauren, then all these kids will be heartbroken.
JoJo is secretly (not so secretly) my favorite right now, so YASSS, she got the second date. They played some baseball in Chicago which I think is a pretty big deal. Apparently Ben feels JoJo isn’t being open enough toward him. Yawn. JoJo for Bachelorette.
Amanda, Becca and Caila do the most awkward group date, then Amanda wins the rest of the date. Ben and Amanda go to McDonald’s then to a carnival, sooooo like most middle school dates. Yikes, Warsaw kind of sucks.
Finally, Emily gets the final one-on-one (which she cried over) and she goes to meet Ben’s parents. She’s super nervous and word vomits all over them. Then Ben’s mom is like, “UMMM r u joking? She’s a child.” And Ben FINALLY gets it and sends her home. Bye twin. All the girls cry.
Poor awesome Becca goes home during the ceremony. I sensed this happening because she said earlier in the episode on her date, “Just please don’t blindside me.” Tragic. She literally called her own demise on the show. Becca for Bachelorette.
Literally, just anyone other than twin A or B.
Anyways, such a snoozer of an episode. I hope next week is better. In the meantime, I’m just going to wine and whine about how much better the Grammys were and how I wish I’d chosen to watch it instead of the Bachelor.
- The fashion. I’ll take ball gowns and whatever cartoon character Lady Gaga decides to dress like over cut offs, flannel and ombre hair (basic white girl chic) that’s 100% the dress code of The Bachelor.
- The performance… of The Bachelor contestants. Spoiler: It’s the worst, fake performance. Whereas the Grammy performances KILLED it this year.
- Hamilton. Because I can watch girls cry on The Bachelor any Monday, but I will literally never afford or be able to get tickets to Hamilton on Broadway.
- Monday water cooler talk. Believe it or not, not EVERYONE religiously watches The Bachelor, so when I get my morning Krurig in the kitchen, no one asks me about my fantasy league. It’s weird. BUT, people can get behind the Grammys. Das cool.
- Emotions. I needed a good cry, and I heard Adele was going to perform.
- The real talent. Sorry Ben, your knock-out basketball skills were eh (not that kid who made it from half court–holy crap). Meanwhile Johnny Depp played the electric guitar. He’s just so talented at everything.
- Taylor Swift’s speech. She opened the show with Out of the Woods reminding you how amazing of a performer she is, and then she (basically) closed the show reminding you how awesome she is as a person. She shutdown Kanye with his misogynistic lyric about him making her. Tay’s a hero. Although, her hair cut is kind of barf. Maybe we’ll get used to it?
- The waterworks. Less people cried on The Grammy’s than a single episode of The Bachelor. It’s kind of odd, right? The Grammys are, like, a really big deal. Yet fewer people cried when they won a freaking career-making award than this dating show. Girls were crying over not getting a one-on-one and then they cried when they GOT a one-on-one. Too many tears.
- Less bugs. Apparently, Warsaw, Indiana, has a buttload of bugs and they all attacked the girls. Meanwhile, the Grammys were bug free.
- The… oh who am I kidding. I stayed up late and watched both. See you tomorrow, Tuesday. I’ll take a venti triple shot to get through you.