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If The Bachelor Was a Fantasy Football League, We All Would’ve Lost


Pretty much, The Bachelor is my football. Not the “watches the Super Bowl every year” football fan, or the “just watches whatever game is on” football fan. No… to me, I competitively analyze the potential of each player woman and compare them to otherteams and just like eat and drink while watching with friends.

So, obviously, I’m the “fantasy football team” football fan.

How easy would it be to make a fantasy football league for The Bachelor? No seriously, this is a real question because aside from watching all of the seasons of The League, I have NO idea how fantasy football works. And, from watching The League, I gather that it doesn’t REALLY matter and that if Taco can do it, so can I.

So, here’s my attempt at creating fantasy football league… for The Bachelor (possible names include: The Fantasy Suiteball League, Rose Bowl can be a thing, annnnddd #singleforever).

The Rules

So, my understanding is that you have a team and you pick at the beginning of the season. Obviously, unless you have a national roster of super desperate woman, the women are strangers. So, rather than preseason draft day, drafting should take place during the first episode (but, pre-rose ceremony). You pick your team and then see if they go home. The size of your team will depend on the season, but basically you pick however many girls will start the next episode. Let’s say there’s 25 girls to start, but Mr. Bachelor will eliminate 5 women at the first rose ceremony. Thus, you pick 20 women for your team.

After the rose ceremony, you see how many girls you have left.

Ok, so it’s week 2 and you have let’s say 19 women. You set your “line-up” and lock it in before the show starts. Pick who is going to go on a date (specify one-on-one or group) and who will stay until the next week.

There’s also an opportunity to get creative. You can have different categories, like “Probs will get drunk,” pick a girl, lock it in.

Maybe there’s a point system in fantasy football? Maybe there can be one? But, ultimately, whoever keeps guessing right should be in the lead. Ugh, don’t make me do the math or anything.


The Strategy

Get to know them girls. Follow them on insta and twitter. Read the blogs. Consult a psychic.

The Fun Part

Drink, place bets (loser orders pizza).

The Goal

Predict who gets engaged! (Or dates for a little bit then breaks up and is on the cover of People Magazine.) And who stays on from week to week.

But seriously this season tho…

Be glad I didn’t give you this gem of a game pre Prince Farmer season, because it’s been pretty insane.

Who would have thought Whitney (the only person with a real job) and Becca (WHO IS SHE?!) would be batting their eyelashes over 400-person small town Chris. ORRR that Sass Sisters Carly and Kaitlyn even loved liked this inarticulate bro for so long ASTOUNDS me.

Backing up further, if you put your money wine on Ashley I, what drugs are you on? Yet, she made it hella far, amiright? And seriously, instantly after other Ashley uttered the word “onion” you were like Buh Bye—but she endured another three weeks! I’m just saying, if this season was played like fantasy football, I’d be way out still shipping dumb Britt and dumber Chris.

And if all else fails…

just abandon the game and play this one or plan a party instead.

Or tweet like a mofo.

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