Wow this season of The Bachelorette has been the most dramatic season yet and all the plot twists and game changers have completely fooled me. I literally just can’t even.
That being said, this week’s episode takes the cake. I called nothing. I cannot even believe what just happened. Here are all the things that just blew my mind tonight:
1. Alex whined about not having a one on one and then whined some more when he got it. It’s just so weird. He isn’t the complaining type. I feel like he never talks or whines.
2. Alex and JoJo sat in comfortable silence on their road trip. Gosh, I totally thought they would jus gab and hold hands all cute all the way there. They just have so much in common, you know? Like their height.
3. When Alex says he loves JoJo, she sends him home!!?? What?! She doesn’t feel the same about the Oompa Loompa? Stop. Where did this come from?!
4. The three most average dudes (Chase, Robbie and James) get the three on one date. So weird. I thought she liked them all so much.
5. James stuffs a bunch of fries in his mouth and spreads sh*t about another dude. I am just so surprised at how awkward he is and how much he is trying to start trouble. He has never done that before.
6. Chase’s face looks like it shows no emotion. He’s just usually so expressive and forget his face, he always has something well-thought-out or kind to say.
7. The hotel date is actually awkward. Never would have thought that would happen. Three dudes and one girl in a terribly decorated hotel sounds like every date every little girl has in her dreams.
8. Robbie gets the date rose. So surprising considering his competition had fry breath and dead eyes.
9. Jordan is the first dude to get a second one on one. Honestly, this is so odd. I feel like JoJo isn’t attracted to him sexually, you know? She usually doesn’t get too close to him when they are alone.
10. Jordan and Aaron Rogers don’t have a great relationship because Aaron’s life is too fabulous. Might also be because Jordan resents his big bro’s mad football skills.
11. Luke, on the final one on one, shows how good he is at riding horses. He’s so good, and even though I think it’s his job or something, he is surprisingly great.
12. JoJo calls off the cocktail party. Stahppp… she’s totally never done something like this so radical!
13. James Taylor goes home before his 25 fries properly digest. No. Way. I thought he had the best connection with her and he was totally one of the cutest ones.
This post was written 100% sarcastically, and if you didn’t get that, then do you even go here?