Dang, y’all. It’s already hometowns. This year’s hometown tour includes Colorado, California, Florida and good ‘ole Texas.

The hometowns were good… well, Chase was dull, but what else is new.

Since you can’t actually watch this and eat pizza with us…

… but here’s what we thought during the episode.

Chase’s hometown

• This is too much snow. Do not marry him. You will freeze. Texas girls in snow <
• Dad: “You guys get to spend a lot of time together?”
  Jojo: “We did really sexual yoga once, but I don’t think we’ve talked since.”
• Chase’s dad got the short end of the stick. They just sat and chatted… no wine. No cheese.
• Chase’s mom’s style icon:
  
• This hometown was boring af. She’ll probably pick him.

Jordan’s hometown

• Can’t wait to see how voluminous the other family members’ hair is.
• Jordan taking JoJo to his high school is such a good move. It worked for Ben.
• Jordan: “I don’t think you would have dated me in high school. I didn’t have this hair back then.”
• If Aaron Rogers believes in aliens, does Jordan Rogers? Real questions that should be asked. Who cares about their beef.
• Option A: Jordan’s ex-gf’s name is Vu
  Option B: JoJo can’t annunciate and said “Who?”
• Yep. The whole fam got that hair like…
  
• Prediction: Jordan wins, but they break up like a second later.

Robby’s hometown

• Robby’s shirt is only buttoned at the very bottom. At that point, why bother? Just tie it like a crop top.
• JoJo’s whistle was impressive af.
• Are those long island iced teas? THAT’S the Florida I know.
• These wine glasses are the most Florida thing I’ve seen.
• Did Robby say, “Nip it in the butt” or “bud?” I need to know.
• Robby is just Matthew McConoughey, and no one wants Matthew McConoughey to win.
• “It’s over. We haven’t spoken since then. She slapped me, so I hate that b*tch.”
• Of course it rains in Florida.

Luke’s hometown

• YAASS Texas.
• Name tags are needed at this hometown. Holy Moley. Too many people. Is this all of Burnet, Texas, is here.
• Cornhole. So Texas.
• Luke’s dad: “So, what is this thing you’re doing? Your mom and I support it.”
• JoJo got 25% more Texas sounding on her Texas hometown.
• And then the two of them rode off into the sunset.
• TOO MUCH TALKING LUKE. Make out already.
• Hay bale couch and tea light path to heart made of rose petals. STAHP. Everyone else, GO HOME.
• These guys do NOT wanna leave each other. BUT the Uber is her, and Uber starts charging after two minutes now soooo…

The rose ceremony

• Wait, SPOILER ALERT. JoJo just told us who she was eliminating… the ONLY reason the producers would show that was to create intrigue. LUKE CAN’T LEAVE.
• OK, so JoJo was going to send Luke home bc he didn’t say ILY, but then he DID say ILY, and JoJo is ALLLLL confused.
• And, cliff hanger.