Have you seen The Rockettes? No, not the Rockets. Yeah, they ARE good. I said the ROCKETTES. Who are they? Well, like they have a whole history, I mean you can google it. But basically, they are a group of 18 dancers that perform at Radio City Music Hall in New York City and they have this Christmas show called the Christmas Spectacular. It’s kind of like a kid show, you know? With the whole Christmas story theme going on. And it’s a little about how wonderful NYC is at Christmas time. No, I know we’re in Houston. Well, it’s still entertaining, you know they have this as a traveling show every Christmas. Like, it’s been 8 years since they’ve been to Houston! Yeah! And they are so talented and cool to watch! YEAH! You should go!
Did I convince you? Cool. Go and then read the rest of this post so you can get the jokes.
We went to the Rockettes at The Hobby Center. And, after a particularly nauseating traffic and parking experience, we settled in and watched the dancers can and can, kick and flip their feet, stomp and tap. And, we unapologetically joked. Idk, we were in a mood. Here are 18 things we thought while 18 dancers danced:
“Wait these 18 tiny little ladies dressed like reindeer are going to pull a fat man in his sleigh?” Props man. Also they weirdly look like reindeer. Like too real.
“OK, wait are they all white and blonde?” Yes, the answer is yes. But there were ethnic singers and non-Rockette dancers.
On the 12 days of Christmas, there were absolutely no words. All they did was tap and dance to count out the numbers then the did a lil dance to depict which gift it was. Then there was these little groove moves they did and the music got funky. “This is so urban.”
“OK these are the CREEPIEST things ever. Are you sure Clara had a dream… this is my nightmare.”
“Is that… is that a bear Nikki Minaj?” My anaconda don’t…
“Y’all the Chinese dancers are pandas… this got so raciest so fast…”
“WOW, SO RACIST….”
“DAYUM, that’s core strength right there.”
“Those white outfits would totes be dirty within one hour of walking around Manhattan.”
“Patrick (who doesn’t believe in Santa and is trying to convince his younger brother that he isn’t real) is SUCH a dick.”
“Let’s boo him when he takes his bow.”
“Twenty kids were just now crushed to discover that Santa is actually bearded, dancing ladies.”
OK, so how to convince kids that Santa is real, is by saying he can be in a bunch of places at once? “Wait how is this easier to believe….”
“This is an abuse of power by that screen.”
“Obligatory Jesus scene….”
“Wait, this is way more than three wise men.”
“Raggedy Ann has gotten ratchet as hell.”
“It’s like the dolls are Marge from The Simpsons with a bad dye job.”
You gotta see it for yourself y’all. It’ll definitely get you in the Christmas spirit! Have you already seen it? What did you think was funniest?