I’ve got the duo of subscription boxes: BirchBox and Ipsy. And usually they come a week or so apart and I’ll make a blog about my little Ipsy bag and then boast of the Birch. But this month, annoyingly, I got them at the same time. This is not because one or the other hates me, it’s because my mom does. You see, I can’t be bothered to change my address on my accounts because GOD FORBID I miss a box. So, all my stuff is still sent to my mom…. who happens to have a similar name, be a little blind and also get BOTH Birch and Ipsy. So yeah, she stole my stuff.

It’s been a process, but I’ve forgiven her.

BUT ANOTHER TRIAL/TRIBULATION of April is that one Ipsy product (a lipstick, how dare you) broke in the mail, and one BirchBox item is missing (I’m looking at you, Ma). Although to be fair she gave a lil somethin’ somethin’ from Birch. Ipsy/US Postal Service, what do I do about your f*** up?

OK, whatever I’m over it. Considering the overwhelmingness of getting them both at the same time, I decided to pin each against the other, ultimately choosing a winner. The ultimate question is: Which one could I just NOT live without? The left is Birch and the right is Ipsy. I put them in the order each of the website put them for me to review.

12 Benefits™ Instant Healthy Hair Treatment

Hikari Cosmetics Blush

Oh, Hair You Are. Because I don’t have healthy hair, and I have a LOT of blush.

Birchbox: 1, Ipsy: 0

LAQA & Co. Sheer Lip Lube Pencil

LATHER ultra light face lotion

Smiling is my favorite. Lotion is too boring to ever win.

Birchbox: 2, Ipsy: 0

Not Soap, Radio Body Wash

theBalm Cosmetics NUDE Dude Eyeshadow Single

It’s not the naked man, I swear. It’s the super pretty eye shadow.

Birchbox: 2, Ipsy: 1

Cynthia Rowley Beauty Brightening Illuminator

Jor’el Parker Femina

I don’t understand brightener and I smell bad. So purse-sized perfume it is!

Birchbox: 2, Ipsy: 2

Oh, it seems that there’s a tie. I guess I could do the tie breaker as the shaving cream my mom gave me from her box against my lipstick Ipsy sent me… OH WAIT THAT BROKE.

Ef you, Ipsy.

BIRCHBOX WINS!