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The Bachelorette: All the Texas Things (Week 5)

Fact: The Bachelorette went to Texas.

Fact: This pleases me much.

False: San Antonio is in the heart of TX. “Deep in the heart of Texas” is more of a construct than an actual destination. Home is where the heart is, therefore home is the heart of Texas. UGH FOREIGNERS DON’T GET IT.

False: Gruene Hall is in San Antonio. Nah. It’s like 40 minutes away. Kaitlyn did not drive 40 minutes in that old fashioned truck, right? Where’s the footage for that ride…

Fact: A producer made that guy say this: “We might be in Texas, but this ain’t Nick’s first rodeo.”

Fact: My people were categorized as “True honkey tonk Texas folk” and they probs wouldn’t mind it.


False: Mary Jo has a Twitter. She does not, but I’m starting a Go Fund Me for it bc she probs will need to get some lessons on the Twitterverse, tbh.

Fact: A prepubescent tween led a mariachi band.

Fact: My middle school Spanish class could’ve written those Spanish lyrics.

Fact: I would have shushed Nick. Sorry bro, I value my eardrums more than your performance.

False: Kaitlyn is a barber. Even she didn’t seem convinced.

Fact: Those shears was actually a woodchopper.

Fact: None of Josh’s welding clients are going to care about his hack job.

Fact: Shawn is the best.

Fact: Kaitlyn loves Texas. Obviously.

False: Kaitlyn has always wanted to go to Texas. It was actually winter and everyone was like, “hmm where’s warm and old?”

Fact: Shawn is the best.

kaitlyn kayak

False: The whole kayaking in the river? Ew? Das so gross. I equate the River Walk sewage and drunk vomming. Which.. I know is wrong. On a sunny, warm day. Gorgeous (unless you get too close.)

Fact: Shawn is the best.

False: Ian gets laid a lot. Me thinks he doth protest to much.

Fact: Ian’s gf who is twice as pretty as Kaitlyn or whatever is actually from online and is a catfish.

False: Ian was a former model. Well, that could be true but like probs a hand model or at most a hat model (bc dat lack of hair doh).


Fact: Kaitlyn has the best faces.

Fact: The Bachelorette producers LOVE rose ceremony cliff hangers. WE GET IT.

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2 thoughts on “The Bachelorette: All the Texas Things (Week 5)

  1. Pingback: 13 Times Kaitlyn Was Cooler Than Her Haters | It's Not Hou It's Me | Houston Lifestyle, Food and Culture Blog

  2. Pingback: The Bachelorette: The Final Rose, as Told by Gifs | It's Not Hou It's Me | Houston Lifestyle, Food and Culture Blog

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