Kaitlyn is driving us crazy. With here back and forth with Shawn and Nick… meanwhile the world’s most perfect, articulate man (ahem, Ben) is just chillin with his beautiful face and his above-a-3rd-grade-reading-level words (not something all the guys can claim). That is, until he is asked to leave. Kaitlyn, THIS is why everyone trolls you on the social meedz.
So we’re crazy. And we’re mad… bc BEN IS GONE. At this point, let’s flip a coin. Let chance take over. (Who’s Chance?!? Is he cute?!)
Fate. Mad. Words. Chance.
I’ve made you a little gift. Here’s a Mad Lib for each of the last men standing that you can plan with your… cat. Because you’re forever alone. No? Just me then? Fair.
In the Nick of Time
Kaitlyn was a(n) __ADJECTIVE__ Bachelorette. She made __ADJECTIVE__ jokes either confused the __ADJECTIVE__ guys or __PAST TENSE VERB__ them. So, what did the __ADJECTIVE__ Kaitlyn do? She made all the __NOUN__s get on stage and tell their own __ADJECTIVE__ jokes. Who’s laughing now? Well, literally like __NUMBER__ people, but they are drunk as a __ANIMAL__.
While all the dudes are making __NOUN_of themselves, an evil __NOUN__ was lurking in the corner of the __PLACE__with what seemed to be a __NUMBER__ cent Kardashian. His name was Nick, but his friends called him __NOUN__. He came to see Kaitlyn… apparently they had been __VERB__ing on Twitter.
Of course, Kaitlyn does whatever the__EXPLETIVE __ she wants because she’s the __EXPLETIVE __ Bachelorette. She let Nick on the show, but only if he __VERB __his __NOUN __. He did, and then he was on the show and everyone hated his __BODY PART __. He didn’t care. Their love bloomed like a __PLANT __, as did their __EXPLETIVE __ing.
But now, much to the disappointment of Shawn the __FAKE JOB _, Nick is in the final two. Nick has like __NUMBER __ family members that came out to Utah, because ABC spent too much on __FOOD __s and __DRINK __s, so the travel budget is all gone. The fam is all __EMOTION __and crying because basically no __ADJECTIVE__ girl will take Nick away.
Oh, yeah. Then Nick and Kaitlyn made out on the __FURNITURE _ because they can’t keep their __BODY PART __s off each other.
Let’s Get it Shawn
If I were with Shawn, we’d be like __ANIMAL __s. We’d go to the __PLACE__ every day at __TIME__. He’d hold my __BODY PART __ and tell me that I’m __ADJECTIVE__. But, no. Kaitlyn has him, and I’m __COLOR__ with envy.
Kaitlyn and Shawn had instant __SCIENCE CLASS YOU HATED__, probably because Shawn looks like Ryan Gosling plus __NUMBER__ pounds in muscle. Plus, you can just tell Shawn wants to __VERB __Kaitlyn all the time. He would do anything for her. Even when he was wearing bright pink __CLOTHING __while they were __VERB __ing golf balls, they played truth or dare. Kaitlyn, a woman after my own __BODY PART __, dared Shawn to lose his __CLOTHING __ and __VERB__ bare- __BODY PART __ naked. He must’ve been cold because it was like __TEMPERATURE __ on that __EXPLETIVE __ing course. Hopefully Shawn’s __FAMILY MEMBER __was refilling the __SNACK __when that scene was airing. At this point, Kaitlyn has to pick him. He literally put his ass on TV for every __ADJECTIVE__ viewer to see.
Shawn’s only downfall is he __VERB __s Nick. The two only __VERB __ when they are in the same __ROOM __ together. Shawn doesn’t think Nick is __VERB __-worthy, but Kaitlyn—the only one who __ADVERB __ matters—disagrees. I’m not sure why Nick even bothers… have you seen Shawn’s __MUSCLE __s!?! Those guys will be wrapped around Kaitlyn’s __BODY PART __ one minute and then tensing threateningly in Shawn’s __CLOTHING __ the other.
If this season ends with Shawn beating the __EXPLETIVE __ out of Nick, then I won the $__NUMBER __ pool. Drinks on me.