I did the most adulting thing of my young adult life: I bought a car.

No seriously, I spent money on a new car which I now own instead of my old car. Currently in my parking space outside my apartment is a brand new car, which, if you forgot, I OWN.

This might be REAL easy for you to comprehend… I still cannot.

It’s a process, for sure, one that I (clearly) have not mastered. Nonetheless, I did it. And you can too, as long as you know these 7 steps. Good luck, and may the force be with you (and your bank account).

1. Denial.

“I don’t NEED a new car… my car is only 10 years old and like it only feels like it’s falling a part when I go over the really big potholes.”

^Real things I said. Honestly, after paying a fat mechanics bill a few months ago, I was completely over my traitor of a Camry. How dare you start to die, you bitch. I thought you were there for me!? Through all the towings and speeding tickets (as recent as a week ago), you were always trying to bring me down over the years, but not like this.

But then… when you get closer and closer to that time to buy, you get a little emotional… Thanks for all the memz, I literally could not believe the car that I’ve had for five years and have seen everyday for that time (pretty much) will never be mine again. Like, no. That’s nuts.

2. The hunt for the one.

Once I decided to do the deed and get a new car, I had to decide WHAT car… I considered going up to a CarMax and yelling “THAT ONE,” but I think there needs to be a little more research behind my BIGGEST EFFING PURCHASE EVER. That being said, there is the whole pretty factor. You should not buy a car you are not attracted to, because you’ll both just wind up resenting each other. Your car has to be YOU, you know?

Substep A: The make. I like the Toyota and Nissans because they are pretty standard and last long. This is V important to your budget tho (see step 4).

Substep B: The model. Do I want something gas efficient? Well duh, but that’s a lot of them these days. I went with something… bigger… because think of the legroom! (And trunk/backseat space). I am an SUV person now. Let’s go fishing.

Substep C. The moving parts. OMG what color?! Leather or no leather? Sunroof? Bluetooth? All of the above? Have your preferences, but be flexible. Believe it or not, I did NOT want leather (too much responsibility and too expensive). Then, the cloth was NOT good. The only color was black, and I felt like I was going to fall asleep at the wheel because it was so dark inside. I did not, however, feel the need to sacrifice a sunroof… EVER. #Priorities.

3. The patience.

Depending on you, your needs, etc., you might be thrown into a whirlwind of a car-buying experience. Or, you might have time to chill and think about it. I had a couple weeks to kind of mull it over. Then when it was time to buy, it was like “OK, we are doing this now.”

4. Bye, bye money.

I’m gonna make this quick, bc stressing over this again.  Wounds are too fresh. Know going in your budget: how much can you afford monthly and cash down. Factor in a trade in value (if applicable) and interest rate and extended warranties or coverages. Did you all just cry a little? Just me then? If you are setting up a payment/loan thing, know that you’ll have to get approved and you’ll get an interest rate quote. I got approved for 0 percent for five years (praise the lord) because I bought new and have pristine credit (thanks mom). Still, you can pay more down and have larger monthly payments and not lose too much on interest.

5. Driving off the lot.

It’s a little surreal. OK, like a LOT surreal. I was driving with my shoulders to my ears. Don’t you dare eff with me, truck. OMG is that a pothole. HAIL NAH. Before you put it in gear, make sure your seat is right, then adjust your mirrors (and then music).

6. Adult stuff round two (or three or four).

Think of all the things you have to do: Insurance, apartment/work registration updates, EZTags. You get it. Start making those changes, asap. Prepare for hold music central.

7. This is my car. I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy.

Does everyone name their car? Don’t answer that; I don’t care. I want to name my car. I think she is a girl and she is sporty and IDK what to do with that. HALP. This one is still in process…