My friends and I have always had the inside joke of “The Bachelor Intern.” You know, the poor soul who has to drain the hot tub at the end of the night and trim the thorns off the roses that are presented to the ladies. Tonight, during Bachelor Live, Chris Harrison alluded to this joke, proof that he and we would definitely be great friends (even though he stole our Bachelor Draft idea).
Here are ten very real things The Bachelor Interns had to do this week:
1. Set up the table of undrank champagne for Jojo and Ben’s 5-second-long date. Side note: That date was super short, right? As far as I’m concerned, Jojo just got champagne poured on her, rode in a helicopter, made out a little and had “dinner” (I didn’t really see any eating). Then, instead of a band no one has heard of, they just watched fireworks.
2. Clean up said table that was knocked over by the completely unpredictable wind from the helicopter. Spoiler: Helicopters make lots of wind. Literally everyone knows that. You’re not supposed to chill at a cocktail table on a helicopter pad. It’s pretty much in every action movie. It’s so obvious that I kind of think it was intern sabotage… somewhere an evil intern is cackling.
4. Lace up Becca’s not wedding dress. That b*tch of an intern tied up Becca all nice and pretty only to walk her into a not proposal. Probably the same evil, cackling intern.
5. Take Ben’s online ordaining class. I bet one trillion US dollars that this man did not actually get ordained himself. He 100 percent had the intern do it online or something. Somewhere out there, there’s like 5 couples who’s marriages are a shame from The Bachelor. Wait, no def more than that. Too many to count.
6. Find weird, awkward kissing couples to marry. What was the criteria of getting on this show? How did they find these seemingly sober people who wanted to marry? Were the pickens slim? My vote would be with yes, considering these two were selected. This poor woman does not want to participate in this post-wedding kiss. Someone help her.
7. Find this outfit for Olivia to wear. I assume it took multiple trips to Good Will and ultimately a visit to the storage facility where reject Miss Congeniality 2 costumes are rotting.
8. Make this cake for Olivia to come out of. Many mechanics involved in that process. I mean, A. You have the wheels, the hinge the wiring to keep the top on and the support for her to sit all over. But also, B. you have to make it look like a cake. Pinterest was consulted and a mechanical engineering degree was attained. The Bachelor doesn’t half ass nothing.
9. Subsequently evoke a B-grade panic attack from Olivia. It was absolutely nothing that warranted that much camera time… I mean… it wasn’t this…
10. Feed the twins’ dogs after Haley was distressed and dumped. Yikes, those little tubby pups are spoiled af. Well, I guess considering the amount of Kendra Scott the twins wear, everything in that house is spoiled af.