First of all, if you’ve never been to the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo, WELCOME, Y’ALL! We have a starter guide for you, but you’ll also need to know what NOT to do to fit in.
Us Texans are a little easily offended, to say the least. Examples:
How DARE you even think to not fly your Texas flag at the same height as the U.S. flag.
I’m sorry, but why are you not turning right on red? BEEEEEEEEEP.
Are you taking a picture of the police officer horses? That’s cute.
You hate kolaches AND breakfast tacos? What are you even doing here?
Anyways, you need to know how to NOT to get stares and glares from us at the biggest congregation of country folk. Here are your tips:
Don’t wear flip flops. I’m actually pretty sure you’re not allowed in if you’re wearing flip flops. Do dress in Western wear. OK, so you don’t have to go out and buy a 10-gallon hat, but you could invest in some Cavender’s boots if that’s your thing (it’s not mine, cuts my calves weird). Footwear alternatives: fringe or riding boots. Guys, you’re SOL, but no one is looking at your feet — just ours. Anything denim is fine, and denim on denim is totes aprops. Sundresses with a jeans jacket is what every girl between 15-22 will be wearing. PS. The stadium gets chilly.
Don’t park like an asshole. If you actually get there early enough to park on site, you don’t take up two spaces. You’re car will get keyed, probably by me. The spots are small, so consider carpooling with the Kia owner. Leaving SUCKS so consider backing in (so Texas of you).
Don’t get there late. You should 100% get there early. Go to the food tents and the wine garden. You should get some sort of meat on a stick or a BBQ potato. But there’s also Tex-Mex if delicious meat ain’t your thing. Also, deep fried Oreos, Snickers or dough sprinkled with powdered sugar is what’s for dessert.
Don’t turn up your nose at a Bud Light. OK, so it IS still Houston, so I’m sure you could find a Karbach or a St. Arnold’s to pay $10 for, but if you want to be real authentic/save $, grab a Bud Light or a Coors or a Miller. I will accept Shiner, because Texas. If you DGAF about beer, NRG stadium has those super big super sweet margaritas. Also there’s always over-priced cheap wine.
Don’t get mad at the people sitting in your seats. You have a 50/50 chance that once you find your seats, there will be someone already in them. Just say, “Howdy, y’all. Looks like them there are our spots.” And they will kindly slide over.
Don’t miss the show. And I’m not talking about the concert. I’m talking about the bull riding, barrel racing, mutton busting and calf wrangling. You know, the actual thing the rodeo is for. The Kroger wagon always wins the race, ps.
Don’t be the dude who doesn’t know who’s performing that night. The name is printed on your tickets. A quick google search will tell you who they are and what their top songs are. Listen to them. Learn the chorus. Boom, you’re infinitely more cool than that dude.
Don’t leave early. You won’t miss the traffic or beat the bus lines. Trust me, those things will be there whenever you leave. Stay til the end of the show, and maybe even after. Hit up the carnival and ride some rides before you hit the road. Your time will be better enjoyed, promise.