How to Throw a Tantrum

Did you get dumped? Fired, maybe? Juggling too many things and feeling inadequate? There are a few ways to deal with these types of stressors, and demolishing an entire room’s contents with a baseball bat or sledgehammer isn’t usually one of them. That is, unless you’re at Tantrums partaking in a little bit of destruction therapy.

I got to climb on top of a car and smash its sunroof a while back all in the name of meeting Karbach’s Brewing Company’s new beer, Weekday Warrior — think: Weekend Warrior, but goes down easier. Also, there’s a 16 oz can for those really rough weekdays.

While sipping and smashing, I learned the proper way to throw a tantrum, and I’m happy to walk you through it.

Before…

Step 1. Think of what you are mad about. Here are some suggestions, should you live a blissful, perfect life with fresh cut flowers in your kitchen vase, which you pronounce “vahz” because your life is perfect, and everyone hates you.

They removed 30 Rock and (insert great binge-worthy show you loved) from Netflix.
Rachel still hasn’t found the one (Jennifer Aniston just broke up with some guy)
This girl broke her retainer watching Black Panther and Michael B. Jordan offered to buy her a new one on Twitter, but you barely ever even get a RT from anyone, let alone a celeb.
Traffic. Just think of traffic.

Step 2. Take a sip of some Weekday Warrior. Ok, this is bad advice because Tantrums doesn’t sell beer, and I’m not entirely sure it’s PC to bring it in. However, Tantrums is just around the corner from Karbach, so maybe plan a pregame accordingly. Or a postgame. Or both.

Step 3. Sign a waiver. The most important part. I asked if I could get on top of the car, and they were like… ehhh… then they were like, “Wait, you signed our waiver, right? Go right on ahead.”

Step 4. Pick your weapon and your protection. Bats and metal bars of every size. Sledgehammer is cool in theory, but gosh it is heavy. Everyone needs gloves and some sort of face protection — either a full face mask or glasses. I did the glasses, but the mask maybe would have been a better idea.

During

Step 5. Smash things. We got lucky and there was a car to smash — not usually the case. Usually you’re in a room full of things to smash. It’s $30 for 5 minutes, $45 for 10 minutes and $60 for 15 minutes per person — some rooms you can have up to 4 or so people. I gotta say, it’s not a thing that takes a long time. We were in there for a little over ten minutes, and, even though we were taking a zillion pictures, we were pretty tuckered out — plus we ran out of things to smash.

There ya go! Check out Weekday Warrior and Tantrums next time you’re in Spring Branch — or just really, really need to smash things at no consequence.