OK, so I’m a little scared of how much of my fake spoilers were right. But I’m more scared of this season. After part one of night one (like an effing Shakespeare play. Act 1, Scene 1: The Sexism in the Foyer), I’m convinced that this season is going to be a shit show, so let’s get shit faced.

Here’s a drinking game to enjoy the two parts (Act 1, Scene 2: The Roses in the Box) of this enraging, dramatic premiere. Brought to you by Twisted Shots (if you don’t know what these are, Bing it. Then enter to win ’em.)

• Take a Buttery Nipple shot when… the stripper strips (or anyone strips for that matter)
• Take a Rattlesnake shot when… someone says someone else is not “here for the right reasons” or when it is so obviously clear someone isn’t there for the right reasons.
• Take a Root Beer Flirt shot when… either girl bats her eyelashes extra hard bc she wants to be the Bachelorette and as it should be, men have the power to make dreams come true.
• Take a Polar Bear shot when… one of the men is green with envy
• Take a Screaming O shot when Kaitlyn makes a joke (or someone makes a joke to Kaitlyn).
• Take a Porn Star shot when… Britt cries.

Obviously, there’s an entire other half, so I’ll save the juicy post for after tomorrow. In the meantime, here’s your twitter hall of fame:

(We will try)