OK, so I’m a little scared of how much of my fake spoilers were right. But I’m more scared of this season. After part one of night one (like an effing Shakespeare play. Act 1, Scene 1: The Sexism in the Foyer), I’m convinced that this season is going to be a shit show, so let’s get shit faced.

Here’s a drinking game to enjoy the two parts (Act 1, Scene 2: The Roses in the Box) of this enraging, dramatic premiere. Brought to you by Twisted Shots (if you don’t know what these are, Bing it. Then enter to win ’em.)

• Take a Buttery Nipple shot when… the stripper strips (or anyone strips for that matter)
• Take a Rattlesnake shot when… someone says someone else is not “here for the right reasons” or when it is so obviously clear someone isn’t there for the right reasons.
• Take a Root Beer Flirt shot when… either girl bats her eyelashes extra hard bc she wants to be the Bachelorette and as it should be, men have the power to make dreams come true.
• Take a Polar Bear shot when… one of the men is green with envy
• Take a Screaming O shot when Kaitlyn makes a joke (or someone makes a joke to Kaitlyn).
• Take a Porn Star shot when… Britt cries.

Obviously, there’s an entire other half, so I’ll save the juicy post for after tomorrow. In the meantime, here’s your twitter hall of fame:

How long is the premiere tonight? Need to know how long I'll be cringing for. #bachelorette

— Jaclyn Swartz (@JaclynSwartz) May 18, 2015

What's the difference between a fitness coach and a personal trainer? #TheBachelorette

— J.P. Rosenbaum (@JP_Rosenbaum) May 19, 2015

1. cut a rose shaped hole in a box 2. Stick your rose in that box. IT'S MY ROSE IN A BOX #TheBachelorette

— Robert Mills (@Millsy11374) May 19, 2015

Really you shouldn't let any guy put a rose in your box unless he buys you dinner first. #TheBachelorette

— Possessionista (@Possessionista) May 19, 2015

Let's make this a trending hashtag! lol #IFITSBRITTIQUIT

— CremedelaCreme (@cremeladecreme) May 19, 2015

(We will try)

I'm gonna start a kickstarter campaign to send Onion Ashley and Tony the Healer on a date #TheBachelorette

— Possessionista (@Possessionista) May 19, 2015

Planting a kiss! 😘🌿 #TheBachelorette https://t.co/2k5HwNb1lP

— The Bachelorette (@BacheloretteABC) May 19, 2015

Still waiting for Chris Bukowski to jump out of the bushes #bachelorette

— Jaclyn Swartz (@JaclynSwartz) May 19, 2015

When the puck meets the plow. #TheBachelorette https://t.co/Yyl4Eouqx1

— The Bachelorette (@BacheloretteABC) May 19, 2015