…and all through my apartment.
Not a insta went unliked nor a tweet not sent.
No wine in the pantry hadn’t been uncorked.
And no pasta on our plates went un-forked.
I in my yoga pants my friends in theirs too.
All patiently waited to see what the producers would do.
The clock ticked seven and the screen lit up.
And we all poured more wine into our cup.
Britt shook her hair over her shoulder,
while Kaitlyn stared, never having looked colder.
Chris came out, with his hands to the side,
apparently—spoiler—Britt had just cried.
We waited watching the trending #IfItsBrittIQuit
For all of us agreed, we wouldn’t put up with her shit.
We all gave a cheer and heard a “hurrah”
For Kaitlyn will not have to go home at all!
We cheers to her staying, we drank and we drank,
Our glasses clanked and they clanked.
Thank God! Our full faith had been restored,
and we shan’t spend the season completely bored.
Kaitlyn called her mom in a momentary reprieve,
then we all waited to see what she had up her sleeve.
The air had shifted, the tables had turned.
Now it was the time to see some guys burned.
We know them as pointy face and purple tie,
and are placing bets on who was going bye-bye.
The healer compared the process to waiting in line,
Britt fans got scared and try to act fine.
The guys fought for attention from the Bachelorette.
A couple guys leaned in for a kiss—winning the bet!
Then comes the ceremony and tension is high,
we mock each contestant as she goes guy by guy.
One guy says “later,” Kaitlyn’s not what he’s about.
As he leaves, we see that holy shit it’s light out!
She picks her team and hugs them all tight,
happy love time to all and to all a good night!
YAY KAITLYN. Last night REALLY had me worried, y’all.