Well as we all know, there are Bachelor drinking games aplenty. But, after carefully watching two episodes of this season, I have your customized drinking game for this season RIGHT HERE. You welcome, gurllll.

Drink when…

…they are in a pool (aka every date + downtime at the house)

…there is awkward dancing

…a girl says “like” (dude you’ll get, like, so drunk)

…a girl has had one too many (+a shot when there is drunk twerking involved)

…clearly these girls have unexciting lives and say a version of the following: “never in my life,” “once in a lifetime opportunity,” or “opportunity of a lifetime”

…Kaitlyn says something sassy (#myspiritanimalrighthere)

…the mothers refer to their celebrity-style named children: Ireland and Kale.

…Ashley S. says something deep and introspective (Ex:  “You don’t want to lose the world, but actually you don’t want to gain it” or “Who’s going to get the rose? Oh I don’t know, maybe an angel will.”)

…someone talks about marrying Chris/refers to him as future husband

…news producer Jillian’s but is blackboxed—what is that about?

…Ashley I. says something Kardashian-esc (Ex: I’m more Kardashian than country)

…Mackenzie (mother to Kale, newly aware of Alfalfa) says something incredibly dumb

…Megan (hitter of heads) says something incredibly dumb

Take a shot when…

…Chris says “from the moment I met you” referring to a few days ago

…there’s a cheers “to us” or “to you”

…someone says a nonword.

…the girls say something Chris does (that is average at best) is SO OMG SWEEEEET.

…a noise happens that your ears literally can’t compute

Just effing finish your class of wine while shaking your head when…

…these women take womenkind back tens of years (Ex: the fact that Mackenzie thinks Chris will love taking Ashley I’s virginity)

…someone exploits some tragedy they went through on TV…..

…Ashley I.—the virgin—does something nonvirginal (Ex: have him rub her bellybutton ring/pull him atop her in a make out sesh.)

 

And, as always, we bring you the twitter hall of fame:

Ashley S is dancing on a very thin line between drunk and mentally ill #TheBachelor

— Jaclyn Swartz (@JaclynSwartz) January 13, 2015

 

Chris is giving out kisses like they're tic tacs. I hope they're also giving out tic tacs. And Abreva. #TheBachelor

— Possessionista (@Possessionista) January 13, 2015

 

#TheBachelor AKA "let's find exotic surfaces to drink champagne on while wearing pastel tank tops"

— Repeller (@repeller) January 13, 2015

 

Farmers don't twerk. #TheBachelor

— Chris Soules (@souleschris) January 13, 2015

 

This date isn't as scary as having to walk the streets of LA in a bikini. #TheBachelor

— Possessionista (@Possessionista) January 13, 2015

 

Cheers to the girl who took a shot of fireball before going into the haunted house #TheBachelor

— Repeller (@repeller) January 13, 2015

 

Boom like the truth. #MesaVerde #TheBachelor https://t.co/l0MYRAAk4Q

— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) January 13, 2015

 

Mackenzie asks Chris if he believes in aliens, so at least "My son's name is Kale" won't be the weirdest thing she says. #TheBachelor

— Possessionista (@Possessionista) January 13, 2015

 

The demon is scary but the idea of harvesting corn is scarier. #TheBachelor

— Sean Lowe (@SeanLowe09) January 13, 2015

 

Can we get that stray cat to counsel Ashley since @ClaresRaccoon is seemingly unavailable – or afraid. #TheBachelor

— Final Rose (@TheFinalRose) January 13, 2015

 

https://twitter.com/chrisbharrison/status/555029125551751168

 

Prereqs for being on #TheBachelor: know how to curl your hair, have an endless dress collection & tell a sob story while looking gorge.

— CatherineGiudiciLowe (@clmgiudici) January 13, 2015

 

Aliens existing is more believable than these girls looking forward to moving to Iowa. #TheBachelor

— Kelly Travis (@kellytravisty) January 13, 2015