So, I’m taking this quiz (internet, bc I’m not in school—still is exciting to me) about whether Chris Soules and I are Soules-mates. I could’ve bet that we weren’t. For instance, I like pizza and he likes corn. I like writing, and he likes corn. I like cities, and he likes corn. I like cats, and he likes corn. Sigh. We just weren’t meant to be. Turns out, I was right.
I think 35% means I got one or two questions right.
I am honestly, TOTALLY OK with failing this quiz. Sure, I think Chris is handsome and I would no doubt swoon and selfie with him if I am given the opportunity to meet him—and these are all nicer things than by fellow watchpartiers say (they say he’ll get fat the SECOND they are done filming). But, looks aside, can we all agree that this season of The Bachelor is kind of, really, incredibly offensive?
Just last night, Chris (and his love interests—mainly Ashley I.) said super concerning things. Here’s of list of when we winced and recoiled in utter embarrassment and frustration.
“For me, a guy driving a car is one of the sexiest things he can do.” — Ashley I. Would you also like him to be the sole
bread corn winner and decide everything for you?
“WHOOOOOHOO” — Chris, as girls take pieces of their bathing suit off and jumped in the lake. Where is free spirit for this?
“This is a date made for bimbos. If you have dignity and self respect, you just want to call it quits.” — Kelsey. Ok. I get her discomfort, and I would not be a fan of this either. But, wow. Way to slut shame on national television.
“Everyone is in their bikinis looking great. It’s such a great day.” — Meghan. Ok, sure.
“I love being here with you guys in your bathing suits.” — Chris. Yes, I’m sure you do.
“I’m a camping virgin. And I’m also a virgin camping.” — Ashley I. NO WE GET IT YOU’RE A VIRGIN. Addendum to drinking game: Drink when you hear “virgin.”
The entire camping date. How sexist is it for Chris to “test” the girls on their camping skills. Bc girls can’t camp. That’d be ridiculous. What are trees. What is nature. How are tents.
“We are the luckiest ladies in America.” — Meghan, because a bunch of girls fighting for attention from a man are LUCKY. (Then Kelsey goes, “Really?” LOLOLOL)
Side note: I think Ashley S. is just a goofy drunk, because she is normal during the day and then just insane when everyone is drinking. “What are you? I know you’re a scorpio, but I don’t care about that at all.”
“Basically, I think I’ve been portrayed differently than I think I actually am. I am freaking innocent. I haven’t ever had a real boyfriend.” (but without all the likes) — Ashley I. OK WHAT. You haven’t been portrayed by anyone but yourself. You say what you say, and you do what you do. What are you talking about crazy lady. PLUS, why is she treating this like it’s this huge baggage. It’s like she’s telling him: “OK, don’t freak out… but I once killed a man. Whew, so glad that is off my chest.”
“He can kind of probe at that area if he wants later.” — Ashley I. Not sexist, just funny.
“That’s what I want him to know. That I’m not a hook-up girl; I’m wife material.” — Ashley I. OK, she has crossed the line from being just so so stupid to being everything that is wrong with the world. Stop classifying yourself and other women into this rigid system of sexuality that slut shames and devalues women based on how much sex they’ve had. I have so much anger and frustration right now. I just want to shake her silly little head until her false eyelashes and extensions fall out.
“Jillian should be wearing a tuxedo and not a dress.” — Carly. Jealousy does not look good on you, Carly.
“When Jillian’s talking, I become confused because the words come out faster than my mind can process.” — Chris. This is just hilarious.
“The fact that Ashley I. is a virgin is incredible. I think it’s a good thing. It actually makes me respect her more.” — Chris, because women who’ve had sex are respected less? Can’t you just say it isn’t a big deal and call it done?
“It was just really weird for him not to make a move on me and I know it has to do with that.” — Ashley I. about her talk with Chris. I just can’t even.
“In our generation it’s so not normal.” — Meghan, about virginity. Actually…
AND THEN BECCA: “I am too. It’s a decision I made.” SO, really? Let’s talk about their different approaches. Ashley I: “OMGOMGOMG He’s gonna HATE me and btw I’m so pure and inexperienced and I’m not like what I seem.” And Becca: “It’s a decision I made.” Becca right now >
“I just wanna know why those actions or behaviors have been validated.” — Britt, regarding the lake, skinny dipping date.
“I’m a little frustrated… I’m a man, and I will handle this like a man.” — Chris. Then he tells the girls a variation of “If you don’t like what I’m doing here, there’s the door.”
As terrible as Ashley I. is, she gave us this season summed up in a gif: sitting in sadness, wearing a glamorous ball gown, eating corn.
OK, but of all the girls left, I think Jade and Whitney are the most “compatible” but tbh they are probably way too good for him.
Twitter hall of fame:
Hahaha, great job! You collect all the funnies 🙂
THANK YOU! I try, and it’s so easy this season. They are all ridiculous all the time!!!!!!
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