“Come as you are, not as you should be” — BIG Power Yoga wall

The Setting

Wednesday 6:30pm “Powerful Flow” class @ the new BIG Power Yoga studio in Memorial.

The Characters

Anastasia: Plays water polo, dabbles in running, teaches yoga. Does the yoga thing 3+ times a week and even goes out of her way to find classes in Spanish and Russian. Believes yoga is a “practice” not a “perfect” and thinks that arranging a dinner date with a boy after Wednesday’s yoga class is a good idea.

Natalie: Does the spin thing and weight lifting thing, takes nothing seriously and only stays still during The Bachelorette (for tweeting purposes) and while PTFO-ed. Has done *some* yoga and owns a mat and towel, so basically a pro.

The Plot

Act 1: Before the Class

Anastasia: Ooohh dis place nice. But likeee how sweaty are those couch pillows.

Natalie: This class seems like St. Agnes gym class. Just a bunch of girls chill’n, nbd. I ain’t even scared.

Anastasia: Eeeshh this room is hot and class hasn’t even started yet. Eek. I have to pee. But like no time. Dang it. I always do this.

Act 2: During the Class

Natalie: LOLZ. I just involuntarily laughed when we were told to ohm. I had no clue that happened outside of movies… ok… “Ohmmmmmmm”

Anastasia: Hmm don’t have to pee anymore. I think my bod was like jk lemme reabsorb all that liquid so we can sweat it all out again.

Natalie: Definitely like a SAA gym class. The teacher is making jokes, which are chased by giggles.

Anastasia: *balancing on one foot with arms twisted in Eagle pose* Be in the moment. Be in the moment. BE in THE moment. Hmmm my pits smell. What a great moment.

Natalie: Yo, when’s child’s pose?

Anastasia: Boys don’t notice sweat right?

Natalie: I just breathed in—per instructions—and snorted sweat. I think I’m drowning in my sweat.

Anastasia: *balancing in side plank* Yoga is like a cake….Eek! Can’t focus on teacher’s words. My abs. My shoulders…. And without breath it’s a half-baked cake without yeast. LOLZ what is this teacher saying.

Natalie: Oh side plank? Sure, like, gravity has no effect on me. Lemme just levitate while I’m at it. I think I’m pretty much just laying on my side.

Anastasia: Why Not Wednesday. Lol. Teacher cracking me up here. I love it. No one is crazy serious. Lots of laughs.

Natalie: Ef this, I’m tired.

Anastasia: Ah Natalie is in Child’s pose! Good for her. She knows her edge. Genuinely impressed.

Natalie: I swear to GOD I heard someone fart. It’s all I can focus on, which is making my eagle twist thingy a little bit easier.

Anastasia: I would love nothing more than to sing “Happy Birthday” while sitting in Boat pose. Nothing more. 

Natalie: Happy Birthday should not be sung without the presence of cake. Now I want cake. I hate you, stranger, for being born since it has led to this cake-less moment.

Anastasia: *during the millionth Bridge pose*  Legs. So. Strong. Legs. So. Strong. I actually kinda love what the teacher is saying. I’m here. I’m warmed up. Why not do another one? WHY NOT!

Natalie: I had no clue I could sweat this much. My eyes are STINGING as it’s dripping in them.

Anastasia: Ooooh lavender ice towel during Savasana. Nice touch. But imma need like 8 more of these to cool/cleanse my body properly.

Natalie: I just got a brain freeze from that towel bc it is SO COLD and I am SO HOT.

Anastasia: Also, what is with this trend of scented towels at the end of class?? Likeee if you’re a fitness studio and aren’t giving out refreshing eucalyptus towels or whatever, gtfo…you’re totes doing it wrong.

Natalie: I’m taking the Ohm super seriously now…. #peaceful

Act 3: Post Class

Anastasia: Hows my makeup?

Natalie: You’re not wearing any.

Anastasia: Welp. Definitely was. Sweated that all off. Def I was wildly unprepared for the amount of sweat my body produced. Can’t wait to be social and flirty with a boy.

Natalie: At least your shirt is all one color…?

Anastasia: The color of sweat….What if I hang my shirt out the window and attempt to dry it on the way home?

Natalie: I think that will make it worse…

Anastasia: Great…

Natalie: Just go shirtless. NBD. People do that, right?